Fragments

pieces scribbled over the last few years

 

She loved the Lord when I met her,
and the way she lived her life,
caring for us, contented, happy…
this softened and tempered my wilder spirit.
So I know God made her for me,
by the coincidence of our meeting.
But did He make me for her,
when anyone could have loved her?
Feeling now that I never deserved her,
yet, certainly, no one could love her more.

 


Here is a secret we shared until now.

Early in our relationship, she confessed that she never liked her name and was self-conscious about it.   I asked her what name she would prefer and she said not to laugh and I said I wouldn’t and she told me immediately.  She had given it some thought.  So I assumed she would like it if I called her that and so I did, but after just a few times she said not to because it just didn’t seem right.  “I’m Francine,” she said.  “Just Francine.”  But I told her she could never be just anyone, and someday, if we wanted, we’d both change our names, because I wasn’t sure about mine, either.

She was the first girl I ever met named Francine, and the first girl anyone ever met named Francine Antoinette Sicilian!

 

craig.and.fran.0001


The following were written while in the pit of despair, 2017.
Can’t remember that year at all.
They’ll eventually be included as lyrics on the album. 

 

the lie

 

it had to be a lie

it had to be a lie that was told

a lie that was told that night

in the quiet winter room

she felt a tear fall – my mistake

in the dark, i had to utter it

that fantastical falsehood

whose meaning would calm her

don’t cry, she said

and so i whispered

i’ll be okay – don’t worry

and she slept.

and in that quiet winter room, i wept.

i would not have thought

would not have thought less of her

if she had cried too

 


 

the ancient hill

 

every moment ever spent away from her

i knew someday would reap regret

those careless attempts at what?

autonomy and pride?

if those moments could be retrieved

in a package, by a miracle

and lived right now, i swear

it would be enough for me

if God would only take me

set me on some ancient hill

with nothing else on earth

but she was with me still

that would be enough for us

i knew her well enough to say

and live those moments lost before

she could really go away

 


 

explorers

 

without a destination

in the distant days of earth

never worried where

tides of wind and rain and fate

somehow bring us there

where you are

(i soon will follow)

your spirit your vibration

can be remembered perfect

just move the planet

back and rewind the starlight

there we are again

explorers

no destination

 


 

 

unwound

 

this exquisite depression

push Your finger into clay

so exacting and precise

in its singular ability

to excavate the earth below me

the Potter forever spins His wheel

sixteen thousand days we had

isn’t that enough He asks

tensionless life not waiting

until i could see her once again

i sit in this shadow of the moon

my unnamed crater,  remembering

sixteen thousand days with her

cursed imperfect mem’ry

and every day without her

 


 

 

acceptance

 

there are problems with no remedies

things that can’t be fixed

puzzles missing pieces

drugs that can’t be mixed

in the fusion of our living

we had all that we could bear

carried burdens for each other

dragged my fingers through your hair

every day i wanted more

of that day when we first knew

that Francine was meant for me

and Craig was meant for you

but that did not concern you

you took days just as they came

you walked the road beside me

shared my coat when in the rain

there are gaps in the equation

and lives they end up broke

but i’m told that we’ll be whole again

when together we’ve awoke

but today there is no remedy

this problem can’t be fixed

this puzzle’s missing pieces

drugs i should not mix

 

 

 


 

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